Get a Clue....or don't...

Were you lucky enough to find this under your tree on Christmas morning?

If so, haul some major ass to the store and RETURN IT!

By far, one of the most convoluted, confusing, too many rules and too much to remember kind of game ever made. Don't believe me? Check out the faces of some of the players at a recent night at my mother-in-law's house...

I know, right? Looks like a rollickin' good time.

I, myself, got so bored with it, that I started taking pictures of ornaments on my mother-in-law's Christmas tree. Don't ask. I don't know why.

And by the way, this new p.c. version of Clue involves no murder. Apparently, you are to find who committed the crime of theft. Woooo....exciting. Give me the good old-fashioned board game version of Clue. You know, where Colonel Mustard killed someone with a candlestick in the conservatory. Dems good times.

Although, it was sort of entertaining watching my sister-in-law trying her heart out to find hidden clue.

If you give a 4 year old a camera...

He will take pictures of Mom's butt in flannel PJs...

Self portraits, up the nose...

Pictures of the Christmas tree (with staged train placement...)

What it looks like from his height, looking up at the bannister full of Christmas cards...

Mom blowing a kiss. Note the sex-ay flannel PJs and no makeup look. Hubs is a lucky, lucky man, indeed...

Mom and the big brother...

His lunchbox...

The plug-in, unplugged... (I know, I said it, too... "Why...?)

The ornament he made in school...

He is available for your next special occassion...weddings, birthdays, whatever...

Peeps

Not the marshmallowy ones with the sugar on them (although those are deeeee-vine!)...but these kind of peeps...

And I think I can use the word "peeps" since it is totally uncool to use that term, thereby not making it appear that I am trying to be a young'un. When we old farts start using a word, it is rendered instantly uncool. Is "cool" even a cool word anymore...?

Maybe I should say "girlfriends." But that starts way too many wheels going in Dave's head. Especially when he sees pictures of one of them like this:

Seriously, she could make some girl reaaaaaaaaaaally happy. Yahknowwhatimean, Vern?

I love my peeps, girlfriends, buds, whatever you want to call them. Makes living in Whitelegs, PA loads of fun.

As the hubs would say...thanks for the mammaries, girls.

Ya'll are awesome.

It's all about me, me, me!

Nabbed from Bri... Getting To Know You, The Holiday Edition! Post on your blog and hit me with a comment. I would love to see your answers!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. It is so much more fun to watch someone rip into a package and watch the paper fly!

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real! I love tagging the tree and going back to cut it down. We did not have that growing up in FL. We got our trees from lots : (

3. When do you put up the tree? 2-3 weeks before Christmas.

4. When do you take the tree down? I want to the day after Christmas, but I usually hold off about a week.

5. Do you like eggnog? Yuuuuummmm...but without the al-kee-hall.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Definitely the dollhouse my grandfather made.

7. Hardest person to buy for? Dave's dad. The quintessential guy who "has everything."

8. Easiest person to buy for? Chase. If it is a train, train-related, or can be made into a train shaped object, he is all about it.

9. Do you have a nativity scene? Two of them.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail. Email is too impersonal for Christmas cards, in my opinion.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Can't say I have ever gotten a bad gift. I love that someone takes the time to get me a gift, so I am always touched by the effort.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? (Kid's show) Charlie Brown Christmas, (grown-uppish type show) White Christmas.

13. When do you start shopping? October.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Noooooooo.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Fudge.

16. Lights on the tree? Yes, a ton of them. All white.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Oh Holy Night" - and I sing it really loudly. Ask my kids. Well, after they take their hands off their ears.

18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home. We travel at Thanksgiving.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder, Blitzen...and Rudolph, although he was not an original, from "Night Before Christmas".

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Usually a star, but this year, it is a Santa Claus.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve, the rest on Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Checkout lines at the stores.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? A little pink bell from my childhood decorations. It brings back great memories.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham....or turkey...or whatever. So long as I don't have to cook it.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? An Amy Burhoe ring. Hmmm....wonder if I will get it? ; )

Bejiggity cat and fudge on fire

I am getting a kick out of this. Am I just mean? Perhaps. But, I found out today that styrofoam containers make the cat all bejiggity. She is totally freaked out by the thing, and I am not sure why. It has been entertaining, watching her staring at the box, walking around it, getting a little closer...closer....cloooooser.... Only to run away. What a damn freak.

The hub's Christmas present came in the mail today...and it is in that styrofoam box. The cat wants so bad to get up on the sofa in her usual spot, doing what she does best all day; being a lazy load. But the box is stopping her. I guess I should move it...right?

I like this picture...she looks eeeeviiiil. Off my sofa, cursed box!

The boys and I started making cookies today. The plan was to make peanut butter blossoms, oatmeal cookies, tiger stripe fudge, sugar cookies with glaze, chocolate chip cookies, and peppermint wands. We got as far as the sugar cookies and oatmeal cookies. The tiger stripe fudge was a big...

FAIL

In the time that I went upstairs to wipe a butt and wash my hands, the pan was smoking. Not "SHMOKIN!" , but literally about a second or two from producing flames. So much for the tiger stripe fudge. Damn. I only hope this crap will come off of my pan.

The boys enjoyed decorating the glazed sugar cookies. Well, Hunter did, and Chase enjoyed partaking of the sprinkles. By the handful. He is currently spinning in circles, making himself dizzy in the living room. I think his body is furiously trying to burn off that sugar. I only hope he doesn't make himself puke. It would be one colorful mess.

Tomorrow, round two of adventures in baking. Let's see if I can get this all accomplished without burning the motha down.

Oh, and the cat? She's still there...

Dangerous Curves

Christmas has officially arrived at the H house. We went out and Hubs the lumberjack cut down our tree.

(Note the supervisor making sure he does it correctly.)

(Hunter, searching out bugs. Poor kid misses springtime, when there are bugs a-plenty to be found. By the way, this was before he realized I was taking his picture...)

(And this is after. What a knothead.)

And we brought that bad mamma jamma home. It is such a pretty tree. I just love it. Except for one thing. The tree was growing out of the side of a hill, so there is a slight curve in the trunk. And Mr. Tree Farm Man did not drill the hole exactly in the middle of it. Added to that, I had the bright idea to put pretty near every ornament we have on the tree this year. I wanted that puppy loaded down. The boys were helpful...

(Yes, my kids are running around in their underwear. They never wear clothes inside. We hit the door, and shoes start flying, and pants, shirts...they get right down in their skivvies. It sort of occurred to me that I should put some clothes on them while I was taking pictures of them decorating the tree... you know, for posterity's sake. But, what the hell. This is how they are, so why not take pictures of our real lives?)

Chase decided all of the ornaments he placed on the tree looked just "perfit" in one spot. This was his contribution.

After my rearranging (when the little elves had gone to bed), I was just putting on the last ornament (which was just as Dave was saying, "Uh, I think that is enough,") and BAM! Down went the tree. A couple of ornaments broke, including one that I brought home from our Disney trip (a set of, like 10, though, so I still have more...but still...dayum.) Which brings me back to our curvy trunk. I tried to get a good picture of it, but no luck. Trust me, it has a slight curve. Juuuust enough to make it not-so-steady. Luckily, the kids don't want to touch it, since it is so "pokey".

I just wanted to cry. I had everything so strategically placed, and it looked perfect. But the moment was gone, and I just stuck the ones that fell off, back on the tree, and there it is. I need to trim off some of those wonky sticking out too far branches, but have not gotten around to it yet.

But I still love it.

And I am still adding ornaments. Don't tell Dave.

She's crafty...

She gets around...she's crafty... She's always down... She's crafty... She's got it right... She's crafty... And she's just my type... She's craftaaaaaaaay...

Ah, the Beastie Boys. I did love them back in the day. I remember going to the concert with a group of friends to see them way back in nineteen hundred and eighty-seven. A lifetime ago.

Well, so I am not "that" kind of crafty anymore. But I am feeling a diffferent kind of crafty today.
Here is a nifty little idea. Easy to do (trust me, if I pulled it off, it is easy peasy lemon squeezy). You know those extra branches you have when you trim the bottom of your Christmas tree? Well, here is what you can do with them. Make yourself a snowflake wreath.

First, gather your supplies (which also includes sending the hubs- yours, not mine, although mine may do it for you for a small fee- to Lowe's to purchase the wire. They like an excuse to go to Lowe's anyway, so make them feel useful.)

Wire cutters, scissors, two different types of wire and whatever ribbon or doo-hickey you want to put in the center of your wreath. Upon some experimenting, I found that the easiest wire to work with are 16 and 26-gauge. Yes, they come in different gagues...I told you to send your husband to get it. You will just get lost in the glory (read:overwhelming amount of crap) that is Lowe's.

Then, get your branches together. Cat, optional.

You will want to cut 6 branches of approx. equal length. Take two of them and lay them upside down, end to end.

Cut a piece of the 26-gauge wire, leaving a couple of inches at the top to make a loop. You will use this to hang the wreath. Attach the 26-gauge wire to the branches with the 16-gauge wire. The 26 will serve as a sort of a spine for the wreath.

Attach the other four branches in a sort of an "x" pattern. Use the 16-gauge wire for this. It is much easier to work with. Attach the four branches to the spine of the wreath.

Now it should look something like this...sort of snowflakey.

Here is my finished snowflake wreath. I added two crystal baubles to the middle, along with a merlot satin ribbon. Cute, huh? It would also look good with any type of ornament wired in there in the middle, or brown twine for a more rustic look.

Voila!

'Tis the season to be scammed...

Asshats... We all know one.

Some mommas on a board I frequent recently had their hearts in the right place. Some moms were saying how sad they were that they were not able to provide a Christmas for their kids this year, so some very generous ladies decided to start a sort of "Angel Tree" project. Taking money from their own pockets (which is a huge thing these days...times are tough for everyone), they sent gift cards for food and toys to some "deserving" moms. Now it is coming out that they were, in some cases, being scammed. One of the boo-hooing moms that recieved a gift card and toys recently stayed at a resort ON SITE at Disney World and did all the parks for 8 days. Yes, eight days. Oh, and her husband also has this little pot-smoking habit which burns (pun intended) up a bit of cash. Topping it off, she posted that she "only" got "one toy each" from the person who donated to her kids. Gratitude. She haz nonez. She gets the Asshat of the Season award...maybe for the whole year. Although, I have come across others who may have her beat. It is a pretty close race, though.

This is why I only donate locally. We donate food to the local food bank and I take our outgrown clothes to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. The only thing we do outside of our area is the occasional donation to St. Jude's and the Samaritan's Purse Christmas Project. Both are totally legit organizations that help people who are truly in need.

To the moms who were scammed... It sucks. It blows. What a bummer.

But the asshat picture above should bring a smile. That, and knowing that karma is a bitch.

Gettin' jolly with it...and the Cap Bomb Incident

I am finally getting into the Christmas spirit. I was wondering when it would hit, because I am usually in full holiday mode starting right about October 1st. Not sure why the delay this year, but I am glad to not be a Grinch. I was all out of whack because some of my traditions leading up to the season got boogered up this year. We were so focused on our November trip to Disney, that it was hard to plan beyond that. Then, my Black Friday shopping EXTRAVAGANZA! got bumped due to "Pass the Stomach Flu"... that nifty little game we played.

Maybe it is because the weather just really got good and cold. Maybe it is because the kids are watching The Polar Express pretty much non-stop. Who knows? I am just glad to be there. We tagged our tree and will go cut it down sometime next week. I have decorated in the house (well, sans tree) and today, got the outside lights up. Hubs even came out and assisted this year. I know, right? I was shocked, too! He usually thinks that putting up the outside lights is just a PITA, but appreciates them once they are up and running. This year, he was right outside with me, and taking direction. I told him where the lights went, and he followed orders. I know, right, again?! Maybe he is into the holiday spirit as well. Thanks for helping, Big Daddy...even if you did bitch about it a leetle bit.

The kids are way into it, and Hunter is counting down the days thanks to a countdown board we have hanging on the french doors in the playroom.

I highly recommend getting one of these, or even just crossing off days on the calendar to the big day. It keeps the little buggers from asking you "Is it Christmas yet?" so many times that you want to remove your own eardrums with a spoon.

But, if the boy has another day like today at Giant, he is looking at getting a big bunch of nothing from Santa. This brings me to what I call The Cap Bomb Incident. I picked Hunter up from preschool today, and let me say that today was an extended day, wherein they get to go from 9:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. He loves these days, and looks forward to them every week. It does tire him out, though. He takes a hella nap when he gets home, so I know they tucker those kids out with all the fun, fun, fun.

So, I have this brilliant idea to run by Giant after I pick him up (Mistake #1), to get stuff for dinner. He decides he wants to help me shop instead of going into the "play place". I did not see him all day, so I figure, hey, why not? (Mistake #2) All is fine in Giantland until we come across this little dandy looking toy:

Noisy, fun caps without a gun? Right up my alley. And a buck ninety-nine? Sold! (Mistake #3)

But as we walk through the store, he begins acting like the north end of a southbound donkey. I know he was tired, but come the freak on, kid. We were only in there grabbing a handful of things. Then, he sticks out his tongue and spits at me. Oh hell naw. Momma don't play that. I told him if he did it again, I would take the Cap Bomb and put it away. He would get nothing. So, he did what any 4 year old, full of themselves, running on fumes would do. He spit again. I had no choice but take the thing away and put it back. (Not a Mistake.) We then went up to the counter to check out and he realized I was not kidding. I exaggerate not when I say that this is the point that all hell broke loose. He started screaming and crying and trying to throw crap out of the buggy. Maniac. Thank goodness I only had a few things, or I would have just bailed on out of there. I am telling you, the boy lost all control. I had to carry him under my arm while pushing the cart to the parking lot. All the while, he is carrying on, screaming and just being a total pill. I know the entire checkout section had to be watching, but I am so over worrying about that kind of thing. I don't judge when I see a mom having a "moment", and I would hope folks cut me some slack today as well. If not, well, all I can say is sorry if we ruined your shopping experience today, but this is part of my job. Gotta stand your ground with the little dears, or you will suddenly find that the inmates are running the asylum.

Of course, he got it together on the way home. I will be shopping at Weis for a while.