Friday, February 12, 2010

Thrift Store Thursday and the Littles' Dictionary

Thrift Store Thursday! Slim pickin's this week, sad to say... Guess I need to wait for yard sale season for the truly heinous and grotesque.

Remember when I said that there was nothing more icky to me than the thought of buying lingerie and underwear at the thrift store? I stand corrected and present to you, the following...

Oh yeah, I want to adhere some rubber boob covers to my skin. You know, ones that have already been attached to a stranger's shweddy hooters.

Rut roh, raggy.... Fido got into the catnip again.

Is this not the most scraggly jacked-up bird you have ever seen? Makes you wonder what the criteria is for the workers at the thrift store to actually throw something in the garbage. "So it has wires protruding at the wings...so the feathers are hanging off in chunks in places...so one of the feet only has two toes and one eye is hanging off... We can still SELL IT! YESSSS!"

Friends, I am a native Floridian, and I can tell you that we are not known for our owls. Note that they tried to tie in to something we actually ARE known for by throwing a couple of random oranges in the front. It would kind of be like going on vacation to Arizona and buying a kitschy little, oh, polar bear or something. Whooo Whooo Whoooo actually buys this sh*t? Why, tourists who stop at Stuckey's, that's whoooooo! (*rimshot* thank you, thank you...)

Yep, that's a butt. You know, on second thought, this is not such a bad thing. What better way to tell the world to kiss your ass before you have finished your coffee in the morning without having to actually verbalize it?

And to wrap things up, a couple of random entries from the Dictionary according to the Littles:
(Chase) Salt and Pepper Channel: the "snow" you see when it is not on a broadcasting channel. (As in "They're heeeeeeeeeeere...")
(Hunter) Vagina: A woman's penis.
Yeah, I know. I have some work to do.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I've come to realize...

(Special thanks to Bri for posting on her FB page. You helped me out with a long-overdue blog post until Thrift Store Thursday tomorrow!)

I’ve come to realize that my body. . . sure ain't what it used to be.

I’ve come to realize that my job. . . is the most rewarding thing I have ever done. The pay sucks, but the fringe benefits are awesome. Where else can you get peanut butter and jelly kisses and underarm farts?

I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . . I have less road rage than I used to. Maybe I just needed to get away from that South Florida traffic. I still have a way to go, as evidenced by a little voice coming from the back seat every so often when stopped at a light..."JEEZ! Come on lady! It doesn't get any greener!" Oops.

I’ve come to realize that I need. . . less than I ever thought I would. The love of a good man and being blessed with three kids makes me warm and fuzzy. Or maybe I just need to shave my legs.

I’ve come to realize that I have lost. . . my mind. But luckily the kids are too little to be embarrassed by it. So far, they think I am a hoot and a half. Yeah, give 'em time...

I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . . I cannot use the bathroom alone. Seriously. How many people does it take to help Mommy pee? Apparently, three.

I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . . I get ridiculous and hit on college-aged waiters. With my husband sitting right there. Laughing at me, to boot.

I’ve come to realize that money… doesn't buy happiness. But I seriously doubt it buys sadness either. I would love to test that out.

I’ve come to realize that certain people. . . just don't get it. Period.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . . miss my dad. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, thinking of him and the night we lost him feels like a punch to the gut.

I’ve come to realize that my sister... is my very best friend and I would do anything in this world for her.

I’ve come to realize that my mom… is the reason I am the person I am today. She was a great role model and I know I am truly blessed to have her.

I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . . will always have features I just can't quite figure out. Curse you, Blackberry.

I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . . I knew my day would be spent outside. First clue, Chase whispering, "Mom...Mom..." and dangling his snow boots in front of my face.

I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . . about getting on to this transcription job. It calls me, but I need to wait until the heathens are in bed.

I’ve come to realize that my dad. . . was a rock star. I had the fun, cute, hilarious dad... the one your friends just love.

I’ve come to realize that today. . . was fun, despite the looming PMS. I feel it comin' y'all. Take cover.

I’ve come to realize that tonight. . . is going to be Transcription Mania.

I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . . will be more of the same. My Morning of Solitude (aka both boys in school until 11:30) will not be spent with Regis and Kelly or Judge Judy. Damn.

I’ve come to realize that I really want to. . . get on the bathroom remodel project. Bye, bye fifties pink tile!

I’ve come to realize that life. . . is so blooming short. There are no rewind or pause buttons. Live it up, laugh it up, and love, love, love.

I’ve come to realize that this weekend. . . 's weather may booger up our Super Bowl party plans. Nuts.

I’ve realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . . is anything on Kids Place Live. How can you stay upset or sad when you hear songs like "Squirrels in my Pants"?

I’ve come to realize that my friends. . . are true blue, whether my internet girls or real life peeps.

I’ve come to realize that this year. . . Dave will turn 40 and although I am already there, I find it hilarious for some reason.

I’ve come to realize that my husband. . . is one of the good guys. I thought they were a myth, not unlike mermaids or the Chupacabra. But, nope, the good guys really do exist. <3

I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . . Um....I got nothin' here, people. I live with no regrets. If I think I should do something, I just do it.

I’ve come to realize that I love. . . living in my loungewear. Comfy clothes rock my socks.

I’ve come to realize my past. . . although sometimes ugly or painful, have shaped me into the person I am today. I wouldn't change a thing.

I’ve come to realize that parties. . . are fun, but I can't stay up much past 11. You can imagine the fun New Year's Eve party guest I am.

I’ve come to realize that my life. . . is like a roller coaster. Sometimes fast, sometimes with an unexpected curve or dip, but always an exciting ride.