Saturday, August 30, 2008

Bite Me...The Saturday Edition

Just a few random things on my mind....time for a "bite me" thread...

My deadbeat ex-h can bite me. Maybe he needs to be dragged to Maury so he will be forced to "step up to the plate" or any other overused term they throw out on there...

Two days of dreary weather can bite me. I know, I know... we need the rain, blah, blah...but mommy will need some Cuervo if we can't get some outside time today.

Hurricane Gustav can bite me. Good Lord, those people in N.O. have been through enough trauma, and still have not fully recovered from Katrina. Having been through the devastation of a hurricane, I can totally empathize.

People who can't see the big picture and recognize what is petty vs. what is truly important in life can bite me.

Nordstroms and Macy's can totally bite me. Who told them to roll out so many cute Fall shoes along with great sales of their summer styles? Damn. My wallet can't take it!!

And, finally, Christian Bale can bite me. (Please...?) And I mean that in a totally good, totally inappropriate way.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Bugs and Beetles and Spiders, oh my!

My boy loves bugs. Hunter loves any- and everything that creeps, crawls, burrows, flies, buzzes, and slithers. We have bug houses, bug jars, big containers. We have butterfly houses and ant farms. We spend our summer nights catching fireflies in the yard. Anywhere we go, he is on the lookout for little buggie friends. We even keep a bug container in the car, so that we can safely transport home any new finds. Luckily, I have him talked into letting them go at night, so we set them free out back.

I got to thinking the other day... What will we do when the obsession moves on to bigger, slimier, and just damned grosser things? Things like snakes and lizards...in other words, those things I work so hard to keep OUT of the house? I suppose the obvious answer would just to be to tell him no, but I really love to watch him get excited about the creatures he finds.

Think I could somehow warp the boy and transfer his obsession to hunting down the perfect shoe? Probably not.

On another note, tomorrow is my big baby's first day of his senior year. I needed something to keep my mind off of it, so we are taking his little brothers to Dutch Wonderland for the day. I was thinking a nice massage or something, but somehow my mind took a wrong turn at Albequerque. Oh well, I wanted to be occupied. That'll do it.

Love, peace, and chicken grease...

Saturday, August 23, 2008

If I had been in high school in the 50's...

I would have been beating 'em off with a stick. How do I know? Well, thanks to a nifty little website, I can see what I would have looked like. And, y'all, I would have been hawt. Don't believe me? Check out this little gem...

See what I mean? Total freaking babe. Tricked out cat eyes and all. Oh yeah.

Want to give yourself a retro-makeover?
Yearbook Yourself

Friday, August 22, 2008

Rooty tooty fresh and frooty

You had to know it was coming.

I am the mom of three boys, well, four counting Dave...and yes, I count Dave. You knew the day would come when I would blog about toots. Yes, the gas they pass. Those boys of mine think that pooting is one of the funniest things on God's green earth. It is almost an art form in this house. Dave enjoys a good rip in the shower, you know with amplified sound and all, what with the wet cheeks and bathroom acoustics. But, by far, the best is when he farts while doing a karate kick. Gets the boys rolling every time. Now, we are into the whole walking by someone, sitting on them, and letting one fly. The boys think this is downright hysterical.

Then there is me. Little ol' me. The lone girl in the house...well, besides the cat, who, by the way, has some stank gas issues of her own! Phew. What do I do? Try to teach them gentle manners, and that toots are not funny? Uh, NO. Hellloooo...?! The good Lord knew what He was doing when he blessed me with all boys, because I can get down and dirty with the best of them. Now, are we fogging up the joint when we go out to dinner? No. But in the H household, if we had broccoli for dinner, oh, it is on like Donkey Kong. It is all about out-grossing the next man. Yeah, good times, these. Eh, it's cheap entertainment. Plus, who doesn't have fond memories of good old dad saying, "Hey! Come here! Hurry. Hey... pull my finger." The difference here is that my boys will reminisce about good ol' mom.

Klassy. Yeah, that's me.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

I'm Gumby, dammit!

Gumby has invaded my house.

No, not that one. That one, I can take.

The little kids have discovered their older brother's VHS tapes from back when he was a wee lad. One of them is this one:

It is no better than it was back in the day. I often wondered what Austin saw in it back in 1995. Now, with all of the super-special animation junk and special effects in movies, I am really stumped as to the appeal of it to Hunter and Chase. But every day, yes every single day, at least once a day, I get a request to pop this movie in. It is sooooo verrrrrrry mind-numbing. Fo' real, though. I can be nostalgic, in fact, I really hate change, but Gumby should just live in our distant memories. I would say that I am just waiting for the VHS tape to break (hurry up, already), but I know I will just be scouring the Internet, looking for it on DVD, since the boys like it so much.

Now, this is my kind of claymation.

Yeah. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Got my eye on a ring

Ooooh! Thanks to a link from another blog, I found a killa Etsy store. I am in lurve with all of her stuff! Now I just have to decide which ring to buy...and how to slip it by the ol' man. Dangit, I need to be thinking about Christmas shopping, and not spending dough on myself. Meh. It's only 25 bucks or so, and I am worth it. Gotta check it out...way freaking cool: Amy Burhoe Designs

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Coloring book

Seriously...you can totally buy this. What in the hell? And by the way....just how many crayons do you need to color vaginas?
Just found this odd enough to pass along. That is all. Carry on.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

More than you need to know about me...

Old post transferred from my old blog....10/07

Want to watch me fly my freak flag? I am pretty strange... or maybe I should say "quirky". Dave says I am a bit OC(D). Whatever. So here is a list of what makes me click when I should tick. I am adding to it as things come to me, so check back on it for new additions. Might just make you feel better about yourself.
1. I cannot stand for anyone to touch my wrists. I don't even like touching them. Something about the veins being so close to the surface or something....skeeves me out. I won't even take any links out of my watchband to tighten it up. I keep it really loose. Maybe I killed myself by slitting my wrists in a past life, who knows?
2. I cannot watch someone brush their teeth. All that foam and slobber....g.r.o.s.s. I cannot even watch someone brush on TV or in the movies. I am a little queasy thinking about it, actually.
3. I am obsessed with my kids' boogers. It makes me mental to see one in their noses, and until I get it out, it is all I can think about.
4. I used to eat the heads off of matches as a kid. I can still vividly remember the taste. Pica, anyone?
5. My last two little toes on both feet kind of curve in, like quotation marks. It is like my other toes are saying something.
6. I MUST smell my milk before I drink it. I am talking, my nose almost touches it, I get it so close. And this goes for each and every glass. I can drink one glass, and pour a second one (from the same jug of milk), but I have to smell it, too.
7. I love to pop pimples. Thankfully I did not/do not have them, but man, if I see even the littlest whitehead on Dave anywhere, I am all over him with my claws out. If I see a stranger with one, I want to get it for them. It really drives me batty.
8. I am eskeered of storms. I think it is PTSD from Hurricane Andrew. Seriously, like I get all sweaty-foreheaded and clammy palmed. Yeah, it is that bad.
9. I love to sing. Loudly. If you are ever so fortunate to be trapped in a car with me and my JAM comes on, brace yourself. Oh, and I am not good at it, by the way. I dance in the car, too. My poor kids.

Back to school time

Took my oldest to have his senior pictures taken today. I could only stay in the room to watch one set of pictures being taken. I watched my oldest baby sitting there in a dress shirt and tie....and Lost. It. I told the boy that he needed to brace himself for a lot of that nonsense this year. I am getting verklempt just thinking about it.

So we are gearing up for another year of school. Austin's last before college, and Hunter's last before Kindergarten. I break out in hives thinking about Aust being out on his own next year, and sending Hunter off to the big K. Think 5 is too young for a cell phone? : )

Speaking of which, I remember last year getting an email from my best friend who was going to get her kids (elementary and middle school ages) cell phones. Not unheard of, but her reasoning behind it was a little extreme. She was worried about a terrorist attack and needing to get in touch with her kids if it happened. Likelihood of this - yeah, slim to none, but I suppose not "impossible". I would be more worried about a Columbine or Virginia Tech-type thing. Seems a little more plausible to me. She also jokingly (I SO hope) said she wants to get some gas masks in case of a nuclear catastrophe. I love her. That girl is one hot mess. Her husband tells her what will happen, will happen...and what does she want? To be the only one left? I told her that if that were the case, I wanted her to give me a kick-ass funeral. Spare no expense. I mean, shoot, it will all be free, right? There will be nobody to pay! It'll just be her and the cockroaches, livin' it up. She got all domestic during that first week of school, too. Homemade breakfasts from scratch. I think Aust had a Pop Tart the first morning. Plus, girlfriend spent all day that day canning tomatoes. I went to the mall and we had Mickey D's for dinner. I did manage to squeeze in a Gymboree class for the two little ones, and vaccumed the playroom. I think I have her beat.