Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Another open letter...

...to a celebrity.

Not unlike my letter way back when to The Hotness, Joaquin Phoenix, this one goes out to...

Kanye West.

Dearest Kanye,

You are a complete tool.

I know, I know...you've heard it from everyone at this point, even the POTUS, who, I must say, has a tendency to make a little sense when he has his guard down. Of course, immediately following calling you a "jackass", he began to backpedal on the comment, but he said it. Yes, he did. Of course, one of my friends pointed out to me that he just jumped on the Kanye-bashing bandwagon, which should give us more reason to dislike him... something to consider.

But I still think you are a tool. No backpedaling here, baby. You stepped all over a moment by a noob singer who will never get that "first award" moment back. Way to go. And add to the classlessness, you don't even give her a personal apology until she calls you out on "The Cackling Hens", er, I mean "The View". Shhhh.....do you hear that? It is the sound of your career coming to a screeching halt. I think this, added to the spectacle you made of yourself during the Hurricane Katrina telethon has given people their fill of your nonsense. If I was your mother, I would jerk a knot in your tail. Drink less, rap and produce more, and Shut. The. Hell. Up. Nobody cares about your contrived conspiracy theories or your opinions. Do what you are famous for, and put a lid on it. Tightly.

And if that doesn't work out, I am sure Handy Manny is hiring. Looks like there is room to fit one more in the box.


Anonymous said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I'm rolling. Love your closing.