Monday, March 16, 2009

Dear Joaquin Phoenix,


Is not a good look for you.

Seriously, I am, like, totally a hayuuu-dge fan, and an added bonus was your crazy hotness. Now, it is just plain crazy. Hotness has left the building.

Dude, for realz. Are you on drugs? Or maybe, do you need some?

Holy crap. And you are planning a rap career? All right, stop. Collaborate and listen.

Please, please, go into the light. All are welcome here, children...all are welcome. Come back to sanity, for the love of my lust. I beg of you.

The Matisyahu look only works for Matisyahu.

Just to be clear and to be sure you are not corn-fused...as it appears that you are more than not these days...

This...me likey. This...makey me want to watch you in movie. This...good. Very, very good...

This...yucky, scary guy panhandler look. This...makey me want to pukey...

I'll be waiting.


P.S. Take a bath. You look like you Smell. Really. Bad.


Schmoochiepoo said...


I agree 150%!!!

This new 'thing' of his is just icky, dirty and a waste of hunkiness.

Come back to us Joaquin!!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness I am ROLLIN'. He looks like he took a ride on the crazy train and doesn't intend on getting off.

Anonymous said...

*LOL* No love for the hairy. haha

Lara T. said...

OMG I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, seriously! oh God that was funny! Keep up the good work, O goddess of laughter, I bow down at your alter of funny!

Lara T. said...

Ok, so I had to google Matisyahu and then I started laughing all over again!! how did you even HEAR about those nuts?!! lol oy!

Amanda said...

I think this is supposed to be a big joke on Hollywood... I read that Casey Affleck (Ben's bro) is following him around filming everything, kinda like Borat. Hopefully that's true and he isn't totally insane!

Tracey said...


Read you were good from Lara T's blog, but this is too much. Hilarious! And did you just rap Vanilla Ice?? Stop...collaborate and listen? So funny...and witty, really, it made my day. Now I will be humming Ice, Ice baby all day long.

What a talent Joaquin is and now he's become a joke...too bad :(