Freak Show

I was torn between the title "Freak Show" or "Wal Mart" as they are one and the same. A trip to my friendly neighborhood WM yesterday gave me such bloggin' material. Seriously, I cannot make this crap up.

1. As I am in the antacid aisle, attempting to find my after-dinner mint (AKA Gaviscon), in my peripheral, I see a person behind me, off to the side, appear...then disappear, appear again, disappear...So I look and it is a teenage boy. He is looking at the section of the pharmacy that has the condoms. I sort of laugh to myself as I see why he keeps disappearing. Every time someone else comes into the aisle, he, I am guessing, gets embarrassed, and beats feet until he can peruse the stock again on his own. Still looking for the Gaviscon (who knew there were SO many brands of antacids...?) I watch as he finally makes his selection and walks toward the registers. But he bought a pregnancy test, which was, incidentally, right next to the condoms. I wanted to reach out as he walked past and slap the ever-living stupid out of him. I also wanted to suggest that he go ahead and pick up a box of condoms as well. Maybe that way, this can be the last pee-gee test he buys for a while.

2. As I was leaving, there was a guy at the end of an aisle (and God how I wish I could have snapped a pic with my cell phone, but no way to do it discreetly, not that I still have the foggiest how to transfer pics off my Blackberry onto the computer) who had on too-short purple nut-hugger shorts and a t-shirt (too tight) with a chihuahua on it. No lie, people. No freaking lie. And before you think that maybe he was a little "challenged" or whatever, his lady friend walked up to him and they chatted about "did you find this, did you find that...?" and walked off, hand in hand. The only thing that he was challenged about was his fashion sense, apparently.

3. As I was loading bags into my car, I saw ugly love PDA. Now, I don't want to particularly see anyone sucking face in public, but it brings about a special *gag* factor when it is ugly love. And as luck would have it, they were right next to my car. Making out and rubbing each others' butts. Truly, every lid has a pot. But, please, take that behind closed doors.

4. I also saw a Hummer with this sticker on the back:

Riiiiight. Pretty much, what I get from this driver is, "I care about the environment. Just not that much."

And finally, as I was driving home, a Fred Durst look-alike passed by me in a CRX. I am not 100% sure of the color of the car, as the majority was Bondo-slash-primer, but I venture to say it was sort of blue (?) I find Fred Durst oddly sexy when he is onstage performing, but in a south central PA Wal Mart parking lot, it is just a chunky dirtbag with bad facial hair, driving a crappy car.