Sunday, May 16, 2010

Random Sundayisms

...and I think I shall speak of myself in Third Person, 'cause I am just feelin' sassy (obnoxious) today.

Tracy thinks:
1) ...that in her next life, she wants to be a cat. Not some random scagged out stray, but a pampered puss. The fatter they get, the cuter they get, and they do a lot of resting in the sun. Attitude is expected and tolerated. You also have help that brings you food and keeps your "bathroom" clean. Downside is that you lick yourself to bathe, but the tradeoff seems minor.

2) ...that a screening of "Fatal Attraction" should be required for any man applying for a marriage license. Just watched it again, and that is one scary bitch.

3) ...that it is damn funny when the four year old accidentally says something racy. Case in point, yesterday he exclaimed, "Now, where is that hooker?" while trying to find the latch hook-thingie on his bicycle helmet.

4) ...that she can do laundry all fah-reaking day long, and there is always something in the hamper to wash. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? It is like some sort of evil magic trickery.

5) ...that Junior High drama doesn't necessarily stay in Junior High. As some men seem to not mature past about 12 years old, neither do many women, I am finding.

6) ... that she loves her Kindle. And this confirms Book Nerdiness. And this is okay with her.

7) ... that people who leave the "t" sound out in words like "Martin" should be slapped. Hard. Same goes for those who insist on using the word "conversate".

8) ... that Red Bird candy sticks just might be the world's most perfect food. And that Jonathan Rhys-Meyers might also be the same.

9) ... that super-gluing the toilet seat in the down position is looking better and better every day.

10) ...that these would be perfect t-shirts to get Dave for Baby-Daddy Day. Only I would be afraid he would actually wear them.

And finally...

11) ... the oil gusher that is driving shrimp and crab prices up may cause us to cancel the 3rd Annual H Shrimp and Crab Feast. This will also cause cancellation of my annual drunken jackass picture that I take of me and Dave. But, but, but...it's TRADITION!

Because you know you want to see more of this.


Christel said...

What is a Red Bird candy stick. Must be some Floridian thing! :P

Ro Magnolia said...

Conversate??? Geesh! What really pisses me off is when people say "irregardless" ... what the hell is that??? Regardless of the fact that you stuck "ir" in front of a perfectly good word, you are not making any sense! I'm not sure if that "ir" at the beginning plus the "less" on the end makes it a double negative or not. So irregardless would actually mean regarding? Gahh! I hate irregardless.

Okay ... moving on now. Had to get that out of my system. :D

P.S. I'm totally new to your blog but am now following. I love the way you write and look forward to visiting your blog often - "irregardless" of the fact that your own son doesn't like your morning breath. :)