Sketch Artist

The littlest kid's newest accessories are pad and pen. He alternates from being Joe/Steve from Blue's Clue's to a waiter from some sadistic restaurant. I say "sadistic" because when Chase the Waiter asks you what you want to order, and you respond, they NEVER have it.

"OK, what you want?"

"How about a pizza?"

"Ohhhh....no pizza."

"OK, then, how about grilled cheese?"

"Ohhhh, we have no grilled cheese. We have cheeseboogers."

"Cheesebooger, then."

(scribble, scribble.)

"What else?"

"Uhhhh....salad?"

"Nope! No salad!"

"What do you have?"

"Well, we have french fries."

"Are you sure? OK, then, I will take that. And you tell me what you have to drink so I don't have to guess."

"Sprite. Just Sprite. In a can."

(scribble, scribble.)

So, 15 minutes later when he wants to know what I want to order (again), you would think it would be easy; cheesebooger, french fries, and Sprite...in a can. But nooooo. Now, they are magically all out of all of those things, and the guessing game begins again.

But yesterday, he was intently watching me blow dry my hair, and once in a while would put his pen to paper...then, stop, look intently, and draw again....another pause, look, and another addition to the paper.... I realized he must be drawing me. When I finished, he proudly proclaimed, "Look here, Mommy! I drawed YOU!"

And I must say, the resemblance is striking.

I think he has a great future ahead of him as a police sketch artist.

Mama's Holiday Wish Meme

Mama’s Holiday Wish List Meme

TodaysMama and Provo Craft are giving away a sleighful of gifts this holiday season and to enter I’m sharing this meme with you.

1. What 5 items are on your holiday wish list this year? Anything sparkly! A new Amy Burhoe ring, Land's End GC, new dishes from Crate and Barrel, new rug from C&B. (Luckily, my darling MIL works there...woot!)

Oh, and if I can have a #6, I shall add some tasty Alexander Skarsgard.

Have. Mercy.

2. What is your favorite handmade gift you have received? Probably a doll my mom made when I was a kid. It was a Miss Hannigan (Annie) doll, and she was a hoot...dressed in a negligee, beads, and feather boa. It was ahhhh-suuuuuuum!

3. What handmade gift have you always wanted to tackle? I have always wanted to learn to knit and make scarves and all kinds of cozy, cute things. The closest I have come is a latch-hook kit. Hey, it has yarn, right?

4. What was the best Christmas gift you received as a child? Hands down- the dollhouse my granddad made for me and my sister. Wish I still had that badboy. I loved it.

5. What items are on your kid’s wish list this year? Since I normally keep them from watching channels with commercials, when they do see one, THAT is what they want. It changes minute to minute, commercial to commercial. Unless it is something dolly or pink, 'cause "Ewww. Dat's for guuuuurls."

6. What is your favorite holiday food? My sweet potato souffle. It rocks my socks.

7. What will you be hand-crafting for the holidays? The boys and I made ornaments for their tree. We will do a few more Christmas-y crafts and that will be about it. Nothing that I will craft and give as gifts...I want to actually KEEP my friends.

8. What is your favorite holiday movie? White Christmas. I actually cry at the end. I can really be a big fat sentimental dork during the holidays. Oh, and the goofball in me has to love Will Ferrell's "Elf". I just like to smile. Smiling's my favorite!

9. Favorite holiday song? Oh Holy Night (I think I totally kick on the Gloooo-oooo-oooo-ooooo-ria! part. I actually don't.)

10. Favorite holiday pastime? I love snuggling on the sofa with a good book, next to the Christmas tree, with some soft Christmas music playing. Delish.

Crowd Control

...and by "crowd", I mean two hellions...uh, boys. And lest you think that only three or more is a crowd, I invite you to come on by the H household on days when those two are really crankin'. I assure you, it is a crowd. Some days it is a two-Lexapro kind of day. Washed down with a shot of Jack. But I think I have the solution. At least for the next couple of months, anyway...


This...

is my latest purchase. Oh, wait, I did not buy this. No siree, I sure didn't. It "showed up", "magically" from "The North Pole." That, my friends, is my story, and I am sticking to it...all in the name of behavior modification, AKA Crowd Control.

You see, Santa sent a little helper to watch over the littles.

No, no, not THAT guy. This one...

You see, according to the story, this elf watches over those in the house and reports back to Santa every night about everyones' behavior. He then magically flies back to the house and hides in a different place. The fun is then in the morning when you look for where your elf is.

Well, that is the fun for the littles. The fun for me is getting to say, "Oooh, I sure hope the elf doesn't tell Santa about you jumping on the furniture..." And the cute factor of them whispering their Christmas list so that the elf can pass it on to Santa? That's good stuff, too.

First order of business, after unwrapping the package from Santa...

...was to name the little booger. My suggestions of Stool Pigeon, Dime Dropper, and Rat Fink were met with, "uh, what?", so big brother Austin suggested Hermie. Chase then said he wanted to name him Elf-is (Get it? Elfis - Elvis...?) to which I had to laugh/give him a big ass high five. Thank you, thank you verr much...

So, he has a first and last name. Hunter says that "of COURSE, elves don't have MIDDLE names...DUH" so there it stands. Hermie Elfis. I may sneak a little sequined cape on him at some point. A jumpsuit and paunch belly may just be a bit much.

So far, so good. Looks like introducing a little paranoia into their lives is a good thing. Well, for me anyway. And we all know it is all about me. Right?

1 up

Halloween is over, bring on Christmas! Ok, well, technically, Thanksgiving, and THEN Christmas, but do we really count Thanksgiving? I can tell you that my kids don't. I was explaining the fact that November brings Thanksgiving, to which, Hunter said, "What do we do on Thanksgiving?" How exciting to be able to reply, "Well, we all get together and EAT! Woooo!"

This was met by a blank stare and a kid who was obviously waiting for either the rest of the story or a punchline. "What do we eat?"

"Turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes..."

"Bleh. Can I just eat chicken nuggets?"

"Yeah, I suppose..."

"Then what do we do?"

"Well, we usually go for a walk, the guys watch some football or take a little snooze..."

"Oh. That sounds not very exciting."

He calls 'em like he sees 'em, to which I have no choice but reply, "I suppose you're right."

All he wants to know is when is our Disney trip, how many days until Christmas, and does Santa REALLY see him all the time? Like, even when he is peeing, or dropping a deuce?

I am hoping with the passing of Halloween, the littlest kid's obsession with his Super Mario costume can get wrapped up. He insists on wearing it outside to play. Oh, and complete with mustache. He was getting the overalls all muddy the other day, so I had him change into regular clothes, but he insisted on keeping the mustache painted on. I feel quite sure the UPS guy who made a delivery to our house that day now firmly believes that hormones in milk are causing our kids to experience early puberty.